i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
