guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
