i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
