I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize