3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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