There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
