five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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