do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize