all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
