just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
