so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
