you would pick up someone in the library
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize