We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
