So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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