I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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