It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
