If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
