we have pet lesbian snakes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
