Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
