I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
