Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
