It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
