I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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