i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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