your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
