SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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