youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
