girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
