mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
