even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
