see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
