we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
