I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
