I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
