just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
