I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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