I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
