I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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