tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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