U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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