maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
