Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't think brook has ever known best
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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