I met the friendliest cop last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
