Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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