That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
