People in love make me want to vomit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
