The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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