The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
