i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
