Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
