Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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