I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
