in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
