Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
