you guys were way drunker than both of me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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