Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
