Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i will never coherently bang her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
