Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
