Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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