We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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