If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
