well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
