someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
