So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
