how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
