Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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