Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
