I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
