You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dignity is for republicans.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
