i will never coherently bang her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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