yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
3 2 1 whiskey
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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