So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
