I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
