I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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