so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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