suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
