im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
