I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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