Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
