Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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