so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
