My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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