i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
