the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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