I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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