I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize