yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
