4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All the doctor said was why
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize