I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
