I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
