i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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