she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
