How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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