u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
