Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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