The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just invented taco cereal.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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