So drunk, too bad you don't want this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
